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  • If there's one thing there world needs less of, it's methane dealers. Unfortunately, they're all around us! Like, literally. I'm sitting five feet away from one as I type this! AND IT'S NOT NEARLY FAR ENOUGH AWAY.
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    Breaking Wind

    If you happen to be or love a methane dealer, we've got the t-shirt for you!

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  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Remember those unenlightened times when we called it 'childhood?' Before drug manufacturers had marketing departments? We do!
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    Powered by ADHD

    ADHD. Some of us recall when it used to be called 'being a kid' and didn't require meds.

    Perfect For:

    • Carefree kids and the pharmaceutical companies who see them as cash cows (here’s looking at you, Novartis)
    • Fred Baughman
    • Tom Cruise
    • Disaffected college students

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  • The Ocean's Hamburger! - (Get it? It's a Sea Cow? And Cow-meat is where hamburgers… What? You're offended? Well, don't buy this shirt then. Actually, please do. Please? It's a big laugh generator. Or a fight starter. One of those.)
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    Manatee

    Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea. The Sea Cow is the Hamburger. (Yeah. We went there.)

    Perfect For:

    • The animal rights activist with no sense of humor
    • The coastal developer with no sense of shame
    • Your vegan friend
    • Disaffected college students

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  • What? You think that's a duck? It's not a duck. It's a dragon. And it's sick fierce, too, kids. Worse than those wussy dragons in Skyrim that just sit there and let you pound on them forever. Yeah, I said it. Deal.
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    Enter the Dragon

    No, it's not a duck, kids. In fact, it's a lot tougher than those pansy Skyrim dragons.

    Perfect For:

    • Warren Robinett
    • Yorgle and Grundle, who are hoping for their own shirts someday
    • That annoying bat
    • Disaffected college students who ironically play Atari 2600 games

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  • Facebook. Foursquare. Myspace. Twitter. It seems like all forms of social media abet some of our worst habits and traits. Narcissism. Attention Deficit. Even stalking. That's why we made this handy diagram!
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    Social Media Venn Diagram

    Social Media. Proudly straddling the intersections of ADHD, Narcissism and Stalking.

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  • In a world overcrowded with ironic t-shirts, this one achieves absolute sublimity. What shirt could possibly be more ironic than this? Wear it - AND WIN THE IRONIC SHIRT WARS FOREVER.
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    Irony

    The race to create the world's most ironic t-shirt is finally over. And guess who won?

    Perfect For:

    • Alanis Morissette, once she buys a dictionary
    • Frustrated rhetoricians
    • Detached hipsters
    • The scores of scientifically illiterate customers who have written us angry emails demanding we explain this shirt
    • Disaffected chemistry majors

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  • American Industry isn't what it was… Millions of jobs have gone overseas - where American products can be made better, and for less. But at Despair, the pride is back!
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    Made In USA By Robots

    Not all jobs have gone overseas... This t-shirt was Made in the USA! (By robots.)

    Perfect For:

    • Americans who work in the manufacturing industry
    • There are some of you left, right?
    • Anyone? Anyone?
    • OK, then, disaffected college students, we guess

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