• If there's one thing there world needs less of, it's methane dealers. Unfortunately, they're all around us! Like, literally. I'm sitting five feet away from one as I type this! AND IT'S NOT NEARLY FAR ENOUGH AWAY.

    Breaking Wind

    If you happen to be or love a methane dealer, we've got the t-shirt for you!

    Perfect For:

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  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  Remember those unenlightened times when we called it 'childhood?'  Before drug manufacturers had marketing departments?  We do!

    Powered by ADHD

    ADHD. Some of us recall when it used to be called 'being a kid' and didn't require meds.

    Perfect For:

    • Carefree kids and the pharmaceutical companies who see them as cash cows (here’s looking at you, Novartis)
    • Fred Baughman
    • Tom Cruise
    • Disaffected college students

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  • The Ocean's Hamburger!  -   (Get it?  It's a Sea Cow?  And Cow-meat is where hamburgers… What?  You're offended?  Well, don't buy this shirt then.  Actually, please do.  Please?  It's a big laugh generator.  Or a fight starter. One of those.)

    Manatee

    Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea. The Sea Cow is the Hamburger. (Yeah. We went there.)

    Perfect For:

    • The animal rights activist with no sense of humor
    • The coastal developer with no sense of shame
    • Your vegan friend
    • Disaffected college students

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  • What?  You think that's a duck?  It's not a duck.  It's a dragon.  And it's sick fierce, too, kids.  Worse than those wussy dragons in Skyrim that just sit there and let you pound on them forever.  Yeah, I said it.  Deal.

    Enter the Dragon

    No, it's not a duck, kids. In fact, it's a lot tougher than those pansy Skyrim dragons.

    Perfect For:

    • Warren Robinett
    • Yorgle and Grundle, who are hoping for their own shirts someday
    • That annoying bat
    • Disaffected college students who ironically play Atari 2600 games

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  • Facebook. Foursquare. Tumblr. Twitter. It seems like all forms of social media abet some of our worst habits and traits. Narcissism.  Attention Deficit. Even stalking. That's why we made this handy diagram!

    Social Media Venn Diagram

    Social Media. Proudly straddling the intersections of ADHD, Narcissism and Stalking.

    Perfect For:

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  • In a world overcrowded with ironic t-shirts, this one achieves absolute sublimity.  What shirt could possibly be more ironic than this?  Wear it - AND WIN THE IRONIC SHIRT WARS FOREVER.

    Irony

    The race to create the world's most ironic t-shirt is finally over. And guess who won?

    Perfect For:

    • Alanis Morissette, once she buys a dictionary
    • Frustrated rhetoricians
    • Detached hipsters
    • The scores of scientifically illiterate customers who have written us angry emails demanding we explain this shirt
    • Disaffected chemistry majors

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  • American Industry isn't what it was… Millions of jobs have gone overseas - where American products can be made better,  and for less.  But at Despair, the pride is back!

    Made In USA By Robots

    Not all jobs have gone overseas... This t-shirt was Made in the USA! (By robots.)

    Perfect For:

    • Americans who work in the manufacturing industry
    • There are some of you left, right?
    • Anyone? Anyone?
    • OK, then, disaffected college students, we guess

    Buy: