The Pessimist's Mug
In these irrationally exuberant times, it's getting harder and harder for the self-respecting pessimist to stay unhappy. So pervasive is the hope, so overwhelming the positivity, that without the firmest grip on your sullen perspective, you might actually lose it. Then one day, you wake up looking at the bright side, whistling some inane showtune, and generally annoying everyone around you.
Fortunately, we've created a solution. Despair, Inc. is proud to introduce The Pessimist's Mug™ Specifically engineered by the chronically cynical pessimists of Despair Laboratories™, this crystal-clear mug will help all who drink from it to Stay Grounded™ by forever reminding them to see when the glass is half-empty.
Fashioned by the perpetually miserable using the extremely rare silicon dioxide compound, fused at very high temperatures with borates or phosphates.
DISCLAIMER: Product not compatible for use with plain milk or White Russians. Drinkers of either should consider adding chocolate syrup or Kahlua, respectively, to ensure compatibility.
