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  • Choose the form of the Destructor. Choose and perish! Will it be an Elephant? A Jackass? Or Puffed-up Marshmallow Man? It doesn't matter- whichever form you pick, it's still a Destructor. And it's only good at one thing.
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    The Destructor

    Choose the form of the Destructor! Elephant? Jackass? Choose! Choose and perish!

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  • One of the most enduring t-shirt memes of all time., 'That's How I Roll!', finally meets it match in Despair's 'Sisyphus' t-shirt. If YOU feel like you've cursed by fate to push boulders uphill forever, why not do it in ironic style?
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    Sisyphus

    Meet the pessimistic answer to the "That's How I Roll" meme! It's all Greek to us!

    Perfect For:

    • Queen Persephone, that clever girl
    • Albert Camus
    • Anyone working in a job that requires constantly doing the same thing over and over again with no point or real end in sight, not that you’d know anyone like that
    • δυσαρεστημένους φοιτητές

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  • Our two 'official' Transportation Security Administration t-shirts are perfect travel companions. This one says, 'We're making travel a touching experience.' And if you wear it while you travel, you'll REALLY have a touching experience!
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    TSA Touching Experience

    Wear this TSA shirt next time you fly and you'll REALLY have a touching experience!

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  • Your naked photos are safe with us. Don't worry. It's just our little secret. Between you, me, the fence post, 60,000 other TSA employees, and whatever intelligence agencies can hack our crappy systems. Totally safe.
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    TSA Shirt

    Don't worry. Your naked photos are safe with with the TSA. Really. Trust them.

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  • The Crane Technique… No less a Karate Master than Pat Morita himself once said, 'If do right, no can defense.' Thanks, Pat. Thanks a lot.
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    The Crane Technique

    Karate Master Pat Morita once said, "If do right, no can defense." (Thanks, Pat. Thanks a lot.)

    Perfect For:

    • Merciless leg-sweepers
    • Pre-Oscar Hilary Swank
    • Your dork ass, naturally
    • Disaffected dojo students and their sadistic senseis

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  • Vote Whig. Seriously. They can't possibly be worse. What? You thought they were as dead as Fillmore? No, they're still around. Seriously. They need your vote. And they at least deserve it more than these two asses in charge!
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    Vote Whig

    Vote Whig. Yes, we're dead serious. They can't possibly be worse.

    Perfect For:

    • Admirers of William Henry Harrison’s 30-day presidency
    • Disenchanted Free Soilers and Know Nothings in search of a new defunct political party
    • Disaffected history majors

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  • Until your spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk. What? You thought you could fly? Look at yourself. You're a flightless waterfowl of a person if we've ever seen one. Stop flapping. You'll be happier. And look less idiotic, too.
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    Limitations

    Until your spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

    Perfect For:

    • Lyle Lovett
    • The Despair, Inc. copywriter who just now realized he has run out of penguin jokes; how come we have so many penguin-themed designs is what he wants to know
    • Disaffected college students

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  • If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until your see our solutions. One of our most popular Demotivator designs makes the leap to t-shirt form- and did it beautifully! Buy it now, tax-free! (Unless you live in Texas.)
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    Government

    If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions!

    Perfect For:

    • Democrats (also known as Republicans)
    • Republicans (also known as Democrats)
    • Independents (also known as those of us who can’t read the news without drinking very, very heavily)
    • The sad, sad American taxpayer
    • Disaffected student council presidents

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  • It's the ultimate knock-knock joke. Stand before people and watch them inevitably ask, 'Who's there?' Then turn and listen to the nervous squeals of laughter as your turn and provide the answer nobody wants, but we'll all get.
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    Knock Knock

    It's the ultimate knock-knock joke. Tell it- and watch the color drain from their faces.

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