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  • A shirt like this brightens any social gathering. It lets people know they don't have to worry any more. You're here. You're going to make it better- just with your presence. Because you're YOU.
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    I'm Here Now

    Is your very presence a reason for calm? Relief? Joy? Then why not announce it?

    Perfect For:

    • Doctors with messiah complexes, or in other words:
    • Doctors
    • Your ever-expanding ego (note: shirt available in sizes up to 3XL!)
    • Disaffected college students

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  • "No refunds. Cash in advance." - If you're not exactly rocking the body of a Greek god, this shirt can be an absolute laugh-a-thon. The bigger you are, the funnier it is. (But seriously, if you're all cut and six-packy, don't bother. It'll just make you look like a jerk.)
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    Personal Trainer

    Want to make a quick buck as a fitness trainer without being fit? Ask for cash up front!

    Perfect For:

    • That one guy at your office who won’t shut up about kettle bells and PX90 or whatever
    • Rep. Paul Ryan
    • People who like The Cheesecake Factory, but really wish it had a smoking section
    • Doomed-to-fail dieters
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Choose the form of the Destructor. Choose and perish! Will it be an Elephant? A Jackass? Or Puffed-up Marshmallow Man? It doesn't matter- whichever form you pick, it's still a Destructor. And it's only good at one thing.
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    The Destructor

    Choose the form of the Destructor! Elephant? Jackass? Choose! Choose and perish!

    Perfect For:

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  • Hilarious, right? It's the perfect conversation starter! But better yet, it's the perfect conversation ender , too! All it takes is a theatrical sigh to unlock it's devastating conversation-destroying power. Use it wisely, friend!
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    Conversation

    Introducing a t-shirt that's as good a conversation starter as a conversation ender!

    Perfect For:

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  • Everyone loves a great vintage tee! But NOT everyone loves buying used clothes. Nor should they! Who knows what kinda depravity went on in that cool vintage tee you love? That's why OUR pre-distressed Vintage tees are brand new! Why hasn't someone done this before?!
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    Vintage!

    Do you LOVE hip vintage swag- but HATE wearing used clothing? Here's your solution!

    Perfect For:

    • Distressed people who love distressed clothing
    • Music fans born in the '90s who still insist on buying vinyl records
    • Self-hating retrophobes
    • The ironically-mustachioed
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Vote Whig. Seriously. They can't possibly be worse. What? You thought they were as dead as Fillmore? No, they're still around. Seriously. They need your vote. And they at least deserve it more than these two asses in charge!
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    Vote Whig

    Vote Whig. Yes, we're dead serious. They can't possibly be worse.

    Perfect For:

    • Admirers of William Henry Harrison’s 30-day presidency
    • Disenchanted Free Soilers and Know Nothings in search of a new defunct political party
    • Disaffected history majors

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  • Optimists and Pessimists aren't the only ones with perspectives on a glass! (Oh- and speaking of Perspectives on a Glass... ?)
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    Points of View

    Optimists and Pessimists aren't the only ones with perspectives on a glass!

    Perfect For:

    • Teetotalers who refuse to participate in The Drinking Games
    • Customers who wish all of our glassware was 100% cotton and shirt-shaped
    • General Jack D. Ripper and Group Captain Lionel Mandrake
    • Disaffected college students

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  • In a world overcrowded with ironic t-shirts, this one achieves absolute sublimity. What shirt could possibly be more ironic than this? Wear it - AND WIN THE IRONIC SHIRT WARS FOREVER.
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    Irony

    The race to create the world's most ironic t-shirt is finally over. And guess who won?

    Perfect For:

    • Alanis Morissette, once she buys a dictionary
    • Frustrated rhetoricians
    • Detached hipsters
    • The scores of scientifically illiterate customers who have written us angry emails demanding we explain this shirt
    • Disaffected chemistry majors

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  • One of the most enduring t-shirt memes of all time., 'That's How I Roll!', finally meets it match in Despair's 'Sisyphus' t-shirt. If YOU feel like you've cursed by fate to push boulders uphill forever, why not do it in ironic style?
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    Sisyphus

    Meet the pessimistic answer to the "That's How I Roll" meme! It's all Greek to us!

    Perfect For:

    • Queen Persephone, that clever girl
    • Albert Camus
    • Anyone working in a job that requires constantly doing the same thing over and over again with no point or real end in sight, not that you’d know anyone like that
    • δυσαρεστημένους φοιτητές

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