Do you guys sell posters?
Yes. We call them 24"x30" Lithographs.

What is the difference between a 24"x30" Lithograph and a poster, really?
The term "poster" tends to refer to printwork using low-grade, light-weight paper stock. Our lithographs are printed on premium-grade, heavy-weight paper stock. More concisely, though, the difference is about $6.

What Demotivators® designs are available in 24"x30" Lithographic Print format?
Currently, we offer 43 of our 78 designs as prints. These designs include: Achievement, Adversity, Agony, Ambition, Apathy, Arrogance, Beauty, Blame, Cluelessness , Consulting, Defeat, Despair, Dysfunction , Effort, Elitism, Failure, Futility, Get to Work, Goals, Idiocy, Incompetence, Indifference, Ineptitude, Inspiration, Ignorance, Limitations, Losing, Mediocrity, Meetings, Mistakes, Motivation, Pessimism, Potential, Power, Pretension, Problems, Procrastination, Regret, Stupidity, Success, Teamwork, Underachievement, Wishes.

My favorite design isn't available as a lithograph. Why not?
We stage the release of lithographs in an attempt to better manage our inventories. We poll members of the "Wailing List" as to which designs they'd most like to see released next, so that we have a sense of what will sell best. If the design you like isn't available in lithographic print form yet, add yourself to the list and you'll be able to vote to have it considered in our next production run of lithographs.

Why don't you sell your 24"x30" lithographs framed?
We do!

What other products do you have coming out?
We have a lot of other products in development for release through 2006. If you want to find out about them before anyone else does, join our "Wailing List".

I have a product I would like you to resell. Will you?
We appreciate the gesture, but currently we don't resell 3rd-party products.

I really want a Demotivators® screensaver. Will you ever offer one?
We do. It's cleverly hidden in our website, on the menu bar. It's hidden right behind that jpeg that reads "SCREENSAVER".

I have an idea for a product that is perfect for you! How can I submit it to you?
We'd recommend that you fax it to us- it makes it easier for us to process it.

I'm really outraged about your trademark on the :-( symbol. Is there anything I can do to stop you?
No. But if you'd like to leave an angry, incoherent voicemail about it, we'll make sure your thoughts on the subject are shared with others*.

Who writes Demotivators®?
The majority of our Demotivators® quotes are original aphorisms, written by a motley assortment of depressive personalities in our product development group. A small number of designs use licensed or canonical quips which are well suited for inclusion in the Demotivators® collection.

Do I have to use a credit card to buy from you?
Yes, at least as long as this Internet fad is going on.

Is your site secure?
Infinitely more so than our customers are.

Do I have to use the Internet to place an order?
No. There are other ways to place orders with us. You can call our toll-free salesline, 877-DESPAIR (337-7247), between the hours of 9am and 6pm (CST), Monday through Friday. Most of the time you'll reach a live person. On the occasion that you roll over into voicemail, just leave us contact information and we'll call you back as soon as we can. Nothing is more important to us than your money. You can also download an order form in Adobe PDF format, and fax your order in. Our fax number is 877-FAILURE (324-5873).

Are your products available in local retail stores?
Very, very few. Although we did see some bonehead selling our lithographs for $23 a piece on eBay once.

What are your shipping/handling rates?
Our shipping/handling rates vary, depending upon size of order, order destination and preferred shipping method. To determine shipping rates for your particular order, simply add all the desired items to your shopping cart and proceed to checkout. Complete the "Shipping Info" page, selecting your desired shipping method. Press "Continue," and the next page will show you the total price for your order, with shipping and handling charges as well.
Do you ship internationally? If so, how long does delivery usually take?
We do ship to most international locations. Most orders to most international locations are delivered within 1 week, however- larger-sized orders often can take 4 to 6 weeks (and in a few cases, even longer) to deliver. For faster shipping, we'd recommend moving to the United States.

How quickly are orders processed?
Orders are usually processed within 24 hours of order placement during the business week. Orders placed over the weekend are usually shipped out by end-of-day the following Monday.

Why are your shipping/handling charges higher than Amazon's.
Despair, Inc. is a privately-held, independent publisher/manufacturer. Our costs for fulfilling orders are higher on a per-order basis than large, publicly held e-commerce companies. As a consequence, we've passed the savings on to you through our shipping/handling rates!

What else should I know about the shipping methods?
We usually ship through the post office and UPS (orders through UPS will not deliver to P.O. boxes or arrive on weekends). If you place a 3 day order, please consider that the carrier does not consider the day they receive the order as one of the 3 days. Therefore, an order placed on Monday that we process and is received by UPS on Tuesday might not actually arrive until Friday.

What's the deal with Dr. E.L. Kersten? Is he real?
He's as real as despair itself.

What's the deal with "disaffected college students"?
Yeah, what IS the deal with them, anyway?

What's the deal with the "little people"?
They're tiny. That's for sure.

What's the deal with "No Man's Land"?
That would be telling.

What's the deal with those rumours about a Despair movie?
WHY do people keep asking us that?

Are you ever hiring?
Not right now. But we are firing rather frequently.

Do you have a free print catalog?
Yes. We mail it to prior customers and recipients of the "Wailing List".

I don't want to buy anything from you and I don't want to get on your "Wailing List". How can I get a catalog?
Who are you? Mr. Bad? Sinistar? Don't play hard to get. You're not cool enough to pull it off.

How do I know you won't sell my personal information to other companies?
We don't. Period. Not your name, your address, your phone number or email address. Who'd want our mailing list anyway? Eli Lilly? GET OVER YOURSELF.

I represent another company, and I'd be interested in buying your mailing list. What's your price?
Let's talk!

I want to put your images on my homepage without crediting you or acknowledging you in any way, so that I can do my small part to violate the copyrights of your photographers and whoever else might have a commercial interest in your intellectual property. How cool is that?
It is okay with us provided you promise to throw an online tantrum when we ask you politely to stop.

I'd really like to buy stock in Despair, but you aren't publically traded. How can I?
That's a stumper.

I find Despair products to be depressing. Can you suggest any positive alternatives?
Have you tried Happy Product?

* And if you don't have anything in your brain that might rise to the definition of a thought, you can certainly compensate for a lack thereof if you have enough passion. Or a humorous accent.













Email Addresses

Media Inquiries | Dr. K | Order Status

Snail Mail

Despair, Inc.
1305 E. Sixth Street
Austin, TX, 78702

Ordering Info

Click here for our Ordering Information.

Despair, Inc.™, liberally employs both satire and parody throughout its website and products. Articles and items appearing in our "Corporate Spin" are, as designated, satirical and not intended to be an accurate portrayal of the persons or companies depicted.

Dr. E.L. Kersten is Despair Incorporated's COO, cofounder and principal advocate, and should not be inferred to be a product of fiction.

No customer endorsements, testimonials, or other feedback published within The Wailing List are works of fiction, despite frequent facsimile to the contrary.