Demotivators (By Name

For longer than most can remember, motivational speakers, authors and publishers have inspired and delighted us by championing the idea that within each person exists virtually unlimited potential.

At Despair, Inc., we agree wholeheartedly- and helping others to unleash their hidden potentials remains our singular obsession.

Think about it- what hidden potentials exist within YOU?

Perhaps you're a wholly reasonable person, with the potential to become an irrational fool? Perhaps you're a team player, with a potentially argumentative loner lurking about inside you? Or perhaps you're a dreamer, within whom lives a potentially disillusioned grouse, simply waiting to take flight on the wings of bitterness?

For the first time, one company has stepped forth with tools for unleashing such hidden potentials. No matter who you are, you have the potential to be so very much less. And with the transformative powers of our Demotivators® products, you will be.

E.L. Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder and COO
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View All Demotivators®	Accomplishments ACCOMPLISHMENTS You can fool all of the people all of the time if your effects budget is large enough.	Achievement ACHIEVEMENT You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.



Adversity ADVERSITY That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.	Agony AGONY Not all pain is gain.	Ambition AMBITION The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly



Apathy APATHY If we don't take care of the customer,maybe they'll stop bugging us.	Arrogance ARROGANCE The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too.	Bailouts BAILOUTS From each according to his ability, to each according to his lack thereof.



Beauty BEAUTY If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.	Bitterness BITTERNESS Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.	Blame BLAME The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.



Blogging BLOGGING Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.	Burnout BURNOUT Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.	Challenges CHALLENGES I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.



Change CHANGE When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.	Cluelessness CLUELESSNESS There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.	Compromise COMPROMISE Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.



Conformity CONFORMITY When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.	Consistency CONSISTENCY It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.	Consulting CONSULTING If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.



Corruption CORRUPTION I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.	Creativity CREATIVITY Helps artists die young, miserable, and penniless- so their art can have meaning to the old, satisfied, and obscenely rich.	Curiosity CURIOSITY Some Places Remain Unknown Because No One Has Ventured Forth. Others Remain So Because No One Has Ever Come Back.



Cust.Disservice CUSTOMER DISSERVICE Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied.	Cust.Care CUSTOMER CARE If we really care for the customer we'd send them somewhere better.	Dare Slack DARE TO SLACK When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.



Defeat DEFEAT For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.	Delusions DELUSIONS There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality.	Demotivation DEMOTIVATION Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.



Despair DESPAIR It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.	Destiny DESTINY You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.	Discovery DISCOVERY A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.



Disloyalty DISLOYALTY There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.	Disservice DISSERVICE It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one... the good news is that we should run out of them in no time.	Do it Later DO IT LATER The early worm is for the birds.



Doubt DOUBT In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.	Dreams DREAMS Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.	Dysfunction DYSFUNCTION The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.



Economics ECONOMICS The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true today.	Effort EFFORT Hard work never killed anybody, but it is illegal in some places.	Elitism ELITISM It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.



Failure FAILURE When your best just isn't good enough.	Fear FEAR Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea	Flattery FLATTERY If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.



Futility FUTILITY You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.	Get To Work GET TO WORK You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.	Give Up GIVE UP At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.



Goals GOALS It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.	Government GOVERNMENT If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.	Hazards HAZARDS There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.



Hope HOPE May not be warranted at this point.	Humiliation HUMILIATION The harder you try, the dumber you look.	Idiocy IDIOCY Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.



Ignorance IGNORANCE It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.	Incompetence INCOMPETENCE When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.	Indifference INDIFFERENCE It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.



Individuality INDIVIDUALITY Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.	Ineptitude INEPTITUDE If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.	Innovation INNOVATION If it can make your job easier, it can probably make it irrelevant.



Insanity INSANITY It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane.	Inspiration INSPIRATION Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.	Intimidation INTIMIDATION No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold that from your superiors.



Irresponsibility IRRESPONSIBILITY No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.	Laziness LAZINESS Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.	Leaders LEADERS Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.



Limitations LIMITATIONS Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.	Loneliness LONELINESS If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.	Losing LOSING If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.



Madness MADNESS Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?"	Marketing MARKETING Because making it look good now is more important than providing adequate support later.	Mediocrity MEDIOCRITY It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.



Meetings MEETINGS None of us is as dumb as all of us.	Misfortune MISFORTUNE While good fortune often eludes you, this kind never misses.	Mistakes MISTAKES It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.



Motivation MOTIVATION If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.	Nepotism NEPOTISM We promote family values here - almost as often as we promote family members.	Opportunity OPPORTUNITY I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos - and I wish to speak to you most urgently about a matter regarding the sum of $39,000,000 US Dollars...



Overconfidence OVERCONFIDENCE Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.	Perseverance PERSEVERANCE The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.	Persistence PERSISTENCE It's over, man. Let her go.



Perspective PERSPECTIVE Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.	Pessimism PESSIMISM Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.	Planning PLANNING Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.



Possibilities POSSIBILITIES With focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts.	Potential POTENTIAL Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.	Power POWER Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.



Pressure PRESSURE It can turn a lump of coal into a flawless diamond, or an average person into a perfect basketcase.	Pretension PRETENSION The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.	Priorities PRIORITIES Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.



Problems PROBLEMS No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them	Procrastination PROCRASTINATION Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.	Propaganda PROPAGANDA What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our faces.



Quality QUALITY The race for quality has no finish line- so technically, it's more like a death march.	Recovery RECOVERY Time heals all wounds. But it usually leaves a pretty big scar.	Regret REGRET It hurts to admit when you make mistakes - but when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second



Retirement RETIREMENT Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.	Risks RISKS If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.	Romance ROMANCE Love is in the air. And it's pooping on my head.



Sacrifice SACRIFICE Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.	Sacrifice (Temple) SACRIFICE All we ask here is that you give us your heart.	Sanity SANITY Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.



The Secret THE SECRET OF SUCCESS What is The Secret? Pretend you've already achieved it- Then offer to sell The Secret to others.	Self-Esteem SELF-ESTEEM Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.	Service SERVICE View all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure.



Strife STRIFE As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.	Stupidity STUPIDITY Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.	Success SUCCESS Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.



Survival SURVIVAL The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.	Teamwork TEAMWORK A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.	Tradition TRADITION Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.



Trouble TROUBLE Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.	Underachievement UNDERACHIEVEMENT The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.	Victory VICTORY Winners never fly higher than when they're bouncing up and down on the egos of those they defeat.



Vision VISION How can the future be so hard to predict when all of my worst fears keep coming true?	Whining WHINING If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.	Winners WINNERS Because nothing says "you're a loser" more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.



Wishes WISHES When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.	Worth WORTH Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.