Introducing Despair Gift Certificates.

For the person who has everything, but still isn't very happy about it.

We all know people who are impossible to shop for. Sometimes, it is because they have everything that they could possibly want. Other times, it is simply because they are impossible to please. Incredibly, sometimes both cases are true.

At Despair Inc., we know all too well the pain of shopping for the chronically dissatisfied. (If you think it's hard shopping for them, try to imagine what an absolute nightmare it is for us to run a company that caters to them...)

Fortunately, there's now a solution to the dilemma of shopping for the utterly unpleasable. Our new Despair Gift Certificates are the perfect gift for the person who has everything, but still isn't very happy about it. These e-mail based certificates are redeemable for any product in the Despair Inc. catalog.

Like other e-mail gift certificates, they send a profoundly clear message about your own general thoughtlessness and indolence. But how much more profound a signal will you be sending when the recipient attempts to redeem the certificate and finds nothing but objectified misery for sale in our catalog?

Terms & Conditions

Gift certificates are not redeemable for cash and cannot be returned for a cash refund.

Despair Gift Certificates are currently only available in e-mail form. If you need a physical gift certificate, pick our one of our new Despair Cards.

Any unused balance will be placed in the recipient's gift certificate account.

If an order exceeds the amount of a given gift certificate, the customer must pay for the balance with a credit card.

We are not responsible for lost or stolen gift certificates, nor are we responsible for permanently strained relations that may result from the giving of our gift certificates to others.

If you have any additional questions about our Despair Gift Certificates, please contact Customer Disservice™