Product Questions

1. Can you explain laptop skin sizing?
2. Do you guys sell posters?
3. What is the difference between a 24"x30" Lithograph and a poster, really?
4. What Demotivators designs are available in 24"x30" Lithographic Print format?
5. My favorite design isn't available as a lithograph. Why not?
6. What other products do you have coming out?
7. I have a product I would like you to resell. Will you?
8. I have an idea for a product that is perfect for you! How can I submit it to you?
9. I'm really outraged about your trademark on the :-( symbol. Is there anything I can do to stop you?
10. Who writes Demotivators?

Ordering Questions

1. Do I have to use a credit card to buy from you?
2. Is your site secure?
3. Do I have to use the Internet to place an order?
4. Are your products available in local retail stores?

What's the Deal?

1. What's the deal with Dr. Kersten? Is he real?
2. What's the deal with "disaffected college students"?
3. What's the deal with the "little people"?
4. What's the deal with "No Man's Land"?
5. What's the deal with these rumors about a Despair movie?

Miscellany

1. Are you ever hiring?
2. Do you have a free print catalog?
3. I don't want to buy anything from you and I don't want to get on your "Wailing List". How can I get a catalog?
4. How do I know you won't sell my personal information to other companies?
5. I represent another company, and I'd be interested in buying your mailing list. What's your price?
6. I want to put your images on my homepage without crediting you or acknowledging you in any way, so that I can do my small part to violate the copyrights of your photographers and whoever else might have a commercial interest in your intellectual property. How cool is that?
7. I'd really like to buy stock in Despair, but you aren't publicly traded. How can I?

Product Questions

Can you explain laptop skin sizing?

The size designations (13", 15", etc) refer to the size of your screen if you were to measure it diagonally. These skins should fit Mac laptops well; You may need to trim the skin to fit it perfectly to your PC. You will want to leave some margin around the edge of the top of your laptop for an ideal fit - you don't really want to wrap the skin over the lip of the top of your laptop. The dimensions of the skins are as follows:

• 7 in Netbook: 8.25" x 5.25"
• 8 in Netbook: 9.25" x 5.5"
• 9 in Netbook: 9.5" x 6.5"
• 12": 10.25" x 8"
• 13": 12.125" x 8.25"
• 14": 11.875" x 9.125"
• 15": 13.5" x 9"
• 17": 14.75" x 9.75"

Do you guys sell posters?

Yes. We call them 24"x30" Lithographs.

What is the difference between a 24"x30" Lithograph and a poster, really?

The term "poster" tends to refer to print-work using low-grade, light-weight paper stock. Our lithographs are printed on premium-grade, heavy-weight paper stock. More concisely, though, the difference is about $6.

What Demotivators designs are available in 24"x30" Lithographic Print format?

These designs are organized in our "Lithographs" section for easy ordering.

My favorite design isn't available as a lithograph. Why not?

We stage the release of lithographs in an attempt to better manage our inventories. We poll members of the "Wailing List" as to which designs they'd most like to see released next, so that we have a sense of what will sell best. If the design you like isn't available in lithographic print form yet, add yourself to the list and you'll be able to vote to have it considered in our next production run of lithographs.

What other products do you have coming out?

We have a lot of other products in development. If you want to find out about them before anyone else does, join our "Wailing List".

I have a product I would like you to resell. Will you?

We appreciate the gesture, but currently we don't resell 3rd-party products.

I have an idea for a product that is perfect for you! How can I submit it to you?

We'd recommend that you fax it to us- it makes it easier for us to process it.

I'm really outraged about your trademark on the :-( symbol. Is there anything I can do to stop you?

No. But if you'd like to leave an angry, incoherent voicemail about it, we'll make sure your thoughts on the subject are shared with others*.

Who writes Demotivators?

The majority of our Demotivators quotes are original aphorisms, written by a motley assortment of depressive personalities in our product development group. A small number of designs use licensed or canonical quips which are well suited for inclusion in the Demotivators collection.

Ordering Questions

Do I have to use a credit card to buy from you?

Yes, at least as long as this Internet fad is going on.

Is your site secure?

Infinitely more so than our customers are.

Do I have to use the Internet to place an order?

No. There are other ways to place orders with us. You can call our toll-free sales-line, 877-DESPAIR (877-337-7247), between the hours of 9am and 6pm (CST), Monday through Friday. Most of the time you'll reach a live person. On the occasion that you roll over into voicemail, just leave us contact information and we'll call you back as soon as we can. Nothing is more important to us than your money.

Are your products available in local retail stores?

Very, very few. Although we did see some bonehead selling our lithographs for $23 a piece on eBay once.

What's the Deal?

What's the deal with Dr. E.L. Kersten? Is he real?

He's as real as despair itself.

What's the deal with "disaffected college students"?

Yeah, what IS the deal with them, anyway?

What's the deal with the "little people"?

They're tiny. That's for sure.

What's the deal with "No Man's Land"?

That would be telling.

What's the deal with those rumors about a Despair movie?

WHY do people keep asking us that?

Miscellany

Are you ever hiring?

Not right now. But we are firing rather frequently.

Do you have a free print catalog?

Yes. We mail it to prior customers.

I don't want to buy anything from you. How can I get a catalog?

Who are you? Mr. Bad? Sinistar? Don't play hard to get. You're not cool enough to pull it off.

How do I know you won't sell my personal information to other companies?

We don't. Period. Not your name, your address, your phone number or email address. Who'd want our mailing list anyway? Eli Lilly? GET OVER YOURSELF.

I represent another company, and I'd be interested in buying your mailing list. What's your price?

Let's talk!

I want to put your images on my homepage without crediting you or acknowledging you in any way, so that I can do my small part to violate the copyrights of your photographers and whoever else might have a commercial interest in your intellectual property. How cool is that?

It is okay with us provided you promise to throw an online tantrum when we ask you politely to stop.

I'd really like to buy stock in Despair, but you aren't publicly traded. How can I?

That's a stumper.

* And if you don't have anything in your brain that might rise to the definition of a thought, you can certainly compensate for a lack thereof if you have enough passion. Or a humorous accent.