You can fool all of the people all of the time if your effects budget is large enough.

You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

The discovery that you're no longer a big fish in a small pond, or even a small fish in a big pond, but a small fish in a big fish.

The bad news is robots can do your job now. The good news is we're now hiring robot repair technicians. The worse news is we're working on robot-fixing robots- and we do not anticipate any further good news.

Keep living life like there's no tomorrow and you'll be right sooner than you think.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.

I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.

Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned individuals can change the world. Indeed, it's how we got stuck with the IRS, the Federal Reserve and the Mafia.

There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.

When a motivated group of people join together, they can turn problems into opportunities. Especially drinking problems.

Just like teamwork. Only without the work.

It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Looking sharp is easy when you haven't done any work.

The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true today.

You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.

If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.

May not be warranted at this point.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

He who chases rainbows may eventually catch tornadoes.

We'll get to the carrion part in a minute.

It took millions of years to create something this extraordinary. You have about seventy-four.

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

Money can't buy you love. But it can buy exotic cars and luxury yachts. Once you've got those covered, you'll be fighting love off with a stick.

Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?"

Because making it look good now is more important than providing adequate support later.

None of us is as dumb as all of us.

Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness. It's our only hope of surviving their wrath once they realize just how badly we've screwed things up for them.

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Some things can not be overcome with determination and a positive attitude.

Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Sometimes your spirit tags along with it.

The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.

Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.

Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.

Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.

The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.

The downside of being ahead of your time is that your ruins might end up a playground for cavorting druids.

All we ask here is that you give us your heart.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.

Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Of course, then your eyeballs will boil and your lungs explode from decompression. But that's what you get for being a damn showoff.

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Especially to your friends.

Sometimes, the most important lesson you can learn is that you're not a very good team.

Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else's incompetence.

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.

If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.

Because nothing says "you're a loser" more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.