Accomplishments Demotivator T-Shirt

Accomplishments: You can fool all of the people all of the time if your effects budget is large enough.

Achievment: You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

Acquisition: The discovery that you're no longer a big fish in a small pond, or even a small fish in a big pond, but a small fish in a big fish.

Adaptation: The bad news is robots can do your job now. The good news is we're now hiring robot repair technicians. The worse news is we're working on robot-fixing robots- and we do not anticipate any further good news.

Adventure: Keep living life like there's no tomorrow and you'll be right sooner than you think.

Adversity: That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

Agony: Not all pain is gain.

Ambition: The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

Apathy: If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us.

Arrogance: The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too.

Bailouts: From each according to his ability, to each according to his lack thereof.

Beauty: If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.

Believe in Yourself: Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.

Bitterness: Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.

Blame: The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

Blogging: Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.

Bravery: Every man dies. But not every man truly lives only to die of sheer stupidity.

Burnout: Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.

Challenges: I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.

Change: Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason.

Change: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned individuals can change the world. Indeed, it's how we got stuck with the IRS, the Federal Reserve and the Mafia.

Change: When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into deadly projectiles.

Cluelessness: There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.

Collaboration: When a motivated group of people join together, they can turn problems into opportunities. Especially drinking problems.

Committees: Just like teamwork. Only without the work.

Compromise: Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.

Conformity: When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Congress: Proudly defending the status quo long after the quo has lost its status.

Consistency: It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

Consulting: If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Flattery: If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.

Corruption: I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.

Creativity: Helps artists die young, miserable, and penniless- so their art can have meaning to the old, satisfied, and obscenely rich.

Curiosity: Some places remain unknown because no one has ventured forth. Others remain so because no one has ever come back.

Customer Care: If we really cared for the customer, we'd send them somewhere better.

Customer Disservice: Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied

Dare to Slack: When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

Defeat: For every winner there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.

Demotivation: Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Despair: It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Destiny: You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.

Discovery: A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.

Disloyalty: There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.

Disservice: It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one... The good news is that we should run out of them in no time.

Distinction: Looking sharp is easy when you haven't done any work.

Diversity: Because every person deserves an equal chance to prove their incompetence.

Do it Later: The early worm is for the birds.

Doubt: In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.

Dreams: Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

Economics: The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true today.

Effort: Hard work never killed anybody- but it is illegal in some places.

Elitism: It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Excuses: If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to doubt your benefit.

Failure: When your best just isn't good enough.

Fear: Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.

Freedom: I may not agree with what you say, but I respect your right to be punished for it.

Futility: You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

Get to Work: You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

Give Up: At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.

Goals: It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.

Hazards: There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.

Hope: May not be warranted at this point.

Humiliation: The harder you try the dumber you look.

Idiocy: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Ignorance: It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.

Illusions: He who chases rainbows may eventually catch tornadoes.

Incompetence: When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

Indecision: The mark of the leader is the ability to make decisions. The mark of the survivor is knowing when not to.

Indifference: It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Individuality: Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

Ineptitude: If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

Inflation: Because the easiest way to steal your wealth is by cheapening your money.

Innovation: If it can make your job easier, it can probably make it irrelevant.

Insanity: It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane.

Insight: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The smart left a long time ago.

Inspiration: Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.

Intimidation: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. But you'd be a fool to withhold that from your superiors.

Irresponsibility: No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.

Keep Calm: We'll get to the carrion part in a minute.

Laziness: Success is a journey, not a destination, so stop running.

Leaders: Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.

Legacy: It took millions of years to create something this extraordinary. You have about seventy-four.

Liberty: The price of freedom keeps going up, but the quality keeps deteriorating.

Limitations: Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

Loneliness: If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.

Losing: If at first you don't succeed, losing may be your style.

Love: Money can't buy you love. But it can buy exotic cars and luxury yachts. Once you've got those covered, you'll be fighting love off with a stick.

Madness: Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?"

Marketing: Because making it look good now is more important than providing adequate support later.

Maturity: If you're tired of others looking down on you, grow the hell up.

Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.

Meetings: None of us is as dumb as all of us.

Mercy: Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness. It's our only hope of surviving their wrath once they realize just how badly we've screwed things up for them.

Misfortune: While good fortune often eludes you, this kind never misses.

Mistakes: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

Motivation: If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Nepotism: We promote family values here- almost as often as we promote family members.

Obstacles: Some things can not be overcome with determination and a positive attitude.

Opportunity: I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos- and I wish to speak to you most urgently about a matter regarding the sum of $39,000,000 US Dollars...

Overconfidence: Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.

Pain: Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Sometimes your spirit tags along with it.

Perseverance: The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.

Persistence: It's over, man. Let her go.

Perspective: Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.

Pessimism: Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Planning: Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.

Possibilities: With focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts.

Potential: Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.

Power: Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.

Pressure: It can turn a lump of coal into a flawless diamond, or an average person into a perfect basketcase.

Pretension: The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

Pride: The art of calling faith in yourself "self-esteem" while calling it "conceit" when you see it in others.

Priorities: Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.

Problems: No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.

Procrastination: Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Propaganda: What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our faces.

Quality: The race for quality has no finish line- so technically, it's more like a death march.

Recognition: Having your moment in the sun isn't always a good thing.

Recovery: Time heals all wounds. But it usually leaves a pretty big scar.

Regret: It hurts to admit when you make mistakes- but when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.

Retirement: Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.

Revelation: The downside of being ahead of your time is that your ruins might end up a playground for cavorting druids.

Risks: If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.

The Road Not Taken: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. And Robert Frost took the one less traveled. Of course, he also heckled his rivals and started fires to disrupt their poetry readings. But that makes for a terrible motivational poster. Unless you're a petty pyromaniac. In which case, here you go.

Romance: Love is in the air. And it's pooping on my head.

Sacrifice: Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

Sacrifice: All we ask here is that you give us your heart.

Sanity: Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.

The Secret of Success: What is the Secret? Pretend you've already achieved it. Then offer to sell the secret to others.

Self-Esteem: Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.

ServiceView all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure.

Shoot for the Moon: Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Of course, then your eyeballs will boil and your lungs explode from decompression. But that's what you get for being a damn showoff.

Strife: As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

Stupidity: Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.

Success: Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.

Survival: The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.

Survival: Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Especially to your friends.

Synergy: A code word lazy people use when they want you to do all the work.

Team Building: Sometimes, the most important lesson you can learn is that you're not a very good team.

Teamwork: A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

Teamwork: Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else's incompetence.

Tradition: Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

Tranquility: As long as there are children in the world, there will never be any real peace.

Trouble: Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.

Underachievement: Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.

Underachievement: The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.

Victory: Winners never fly higher than when they're bouncing up and down on the egos of those they've defeated.

Vision: How can the future be so hard to predict when all of my worst fears keep coming true?

Wealth: All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't buy happiness.

Whining: If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.

Winners: Because nothing says "you're a loser" more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.

Wisdom: Sometimes the only difference between a budding genius and a blooming idiot is where they choose to take a stand.

Wishes: When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

Worth: Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.