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  • Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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    Believe in Yourself

    Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.

    Perfect For:

    • Meryl Streep in The River Wild
    • John C. Reilly in The River Wild
    • Kevin Bacon in, weirdly enough, She's Having a Baby
    • Disaffected college students with unjustifiably high self-esteem

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  • There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
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    Cluelessness

    There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.

    Perfect For:

    • Tech support employees
    • Our beleaguered customer service team
    • Journalists
    • Dimwits who write us asking "Are you really suing people for trademark infringement?"
    • Disaffected college students

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  • It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.
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    Consistency

    It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

    Perfect For:

    • Baldrick
    • Tiny archers
    • Dane Cook
    • The Buffalo Bills
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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    Idiocy

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

    Perfect For:

    • Flash mobs
    • The American electorate
    • The Kardashians and their viewership
    • Disaffected college students currently attending their safety schools

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  • None of us is as dumb as all of us.
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    Meetings

    None of us is as dumb as all of us.

    Perfect For:

    • Groupthinkers
    • Hand models
    • Members of the United States Cabinet
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.
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    Potential

    Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.

    Perfect For:

    • Anyone who ever paid to go to SpaceCamp
    • Especially if they ended up working here
    • Bill Nye, Dr. Brian May, and this guy
    • Your college-age children, who will soon be:
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
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    Tradition

    Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

    Perfect For:

    • Animal rights activists who cannot believe how far we have not come
    • Ernest Hemingway (“I hung the poster on the wall. It was funny, and colorful. Jim came with a cup of coffee. The coffee was hot, and good. We looked at the poster and laughed.”)
    • Disaffected college students

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