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  • Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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    Believe in Yourself

    Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.

    Perfect For:

    • Meryl Streep in The River Wild
    • John C. Reilly in The River Wild
    • Kevin Bacon in, weirdly enough, She's Having a Baby
    • Disaffected college students with unjustifiably high self-esteem

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  • You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.
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    Get To Work

    You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

    Perfect For:

    • Increasing productivity while decreasing morale
    • Edward "Tiger Mike" Davis
    • Scullers irritated by all the stoned canoers-in-need-of-jobby-jobs on Austin's Lady Bird Lake
    • Disaffected college coxswains

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  • Sometimes, the most important lesson you can learn is that you're not a very good team.
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    Team Building

    Sometimes, the most important lesson you can learn is that you're not a very good team.

    Perfect For:

    • The 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
    • The 1962 New York Mets
    • The 1997-98 Denver Nuggets
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else's incompetence.
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    Teamwork

    Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else's incompetence.

    Perfect For:

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  • If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.
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    Whining

    If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.

    Perfect For:

    • Before you write us an angry email, watch this!
    • And then this.
    • Then help yourself to a big heaping portion of this.
    • Disaffected college wingbacks

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