• The shirt that launched a thousand angry emails. (Santa getting sucked into a jet engine? OK! Santa pepper-spraying an elf? YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME, DESPAIR!)

    Occupy the North Pole

    Santa does not recognize your right to peaceably assemble.

    Perfect For:

    • Those for whom "occupation" does not mean "job"
    • Ketchup, wherever she is
    • Radical vegans and rich CEOs, all unamused by our disrespect and tomfoolery
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy:

  • Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history! Or flames. Probably flames.

    Midnight

    Don't make the United States angry, Santa. You wouldn't like us when we're angry.

    Perfect For:

    • Drone manufacturers
    • Secretary Janet Napolitano
    • Missile defense enthusiasts still angry about last year's stocking full of coal
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy:

  • The North Pole might be frozen, but Santa's mortgage was still underwater.

    Bankrupt

    The economy has to get worse before it gets better. Or before it gets worse. Much, much worse.

    Perfect For:

    • Fannie Mae
    • Real estate investors looking for the challenge of their lives
    • Tim Geithner
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy:

  • Be sure to calibrate your rifle scope. This public service announcement brought to you by Despair, Inc.

    Nice Shot

    The elves are having venison tonight.

    Perfect For:

    • The NRA
    • Dick Cheney
    • Ted Nugent
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy:

  • In the pilot's defense, it's really Santa's fault for flying at 30,000 feet.

    Night Before Christmas

    "And if you look out the right window, you'll see...uh, scratch that. Please do not look out the right window."

    Perfect For:

    • Employees of America's few remaining solvent airlines
    • Passengers on the red-eye from Dallas to the North Pole
    • Sully Sullenberger
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy: