The Drinking Games
Like the Hunger Games- many will play. And only one may be left standing.
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Grandkids
Some people are destined for legendary achievements. So legendary their very presence becomes the highlight of someone else's life. Are you that person? Tell others.
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I'm Here Now
A shirt like this brightens any social gathering. It lets people know they don't have to worry any more. You're here. You're going to make it better- just with your presence. Because you're YOU.
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Spontaneously Combust
Not everyone manages to keep their tempers in check. Some people blow-up with the slightest provocation- set-off into explosive tirades without warning. If that's you, here's your warning label.
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Contents Under Pressure
Does your life keep you in a constant state of pressurization? Do harsh-deadlines, long-hours, money problems, irrational kids and more keep you forever teetering on the edge of a total psychological breakdown. Wear this t-shirt and warn people, then!
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Highly Acidic
Are you the sort of person who can't be bothered to censor yourself in the presence of fools and suck-ups? The sort who can't help but tell-it-like-it-is-when-stuff-sucks-and-that's-most-of-the-time? Then you need this warning label.
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Noise Hazard
You know the sort. Everywhere they go, they talk too loudly, too often- or both. Constantly filling the much needed silence with their insipid vocalizations. (Oh you don't know that person? Then you ARE that person and you need this!)
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The Destructor
Choose the form of the Destructor. Choose and perish! Will it be an Elephant? A Jackass? Or Puffed-up Marshmellow man? It doesn't matter- whichever form you pick, it's still a Destructor. And it's only good at one thing.
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Mime Club
The first rule of Mime Club is…
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(What? You can't figure it out? Well if you're truly stumped, ask a Mime to explain it. THEN beat them up. Seriously… You know want to.)
Amazed
If you wear this shirt, you probably need to be ready to respond when people ask, 'Amazed by what?' Some will. We keep a kazoo in our pocket for such times. Usually start playing, 'Bad to the Bone'. It seems to work.
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Optimists
It's been said that the Optimist sees the glass as half-full, while the Pessimist sees that very same glass as half-empty. But we see it a little differently. Namely, that optimists are half-full of it.
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Personal Trainer
"No refunds. Cash in advance." - If you're not exactly rocking the body of a Greek god, this shirt can be an absolute laugh-a-thon. The bigger you are, the funnier it is. (But seriously, if you're all cut and 6-packy, don't bother. It'll just make you look like a jerk.)
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Superioritee
Superiority Complexes gets a bad rap. That's why we've reduced it to the simplest formula possible. You are greater than them. Just as I am better than you. Yes I am. Yes I am.
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I Voted
Are you sick of always having to pick the lesser of two evils- when both candidates are so nauseatingly awful? Does your sense of civic duty drive you to vote, even when your options drive you to gag? Here's your shirt.
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Irony
In a world overcrowded with ironic t-shirts, this one achieves absolute sublimity. What shirt could possibly be more ironic than this? Wear it - AND WIN THE IRONIC SHIRT WARS FOREVER.
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TSA Shirt
Your naked photos are safe with us. Don't worry. It's just our little secret. Between you, me, the fence post, 60,000 other TSA employees, and whatever intelligence agencies can hack our crappy systems. Totally safe.
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TSA Touching Experience
Our two 'official' Transportation Security Administration t-shirts are perfect travel companions. This one says, 'We're making travel a touching experience.' And if you wear it while you travel, you'll REALLY have a touching experience!
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Blame My Parents
If you're really not sure why you might need this shirt, let this kid explain it to you. You can listen to his eloquent pitch. Or just look at his expression fifteen seconds into the video. Then you'll understand everything.
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Extremely Hot
Caution. The person you're about to enjoy is extremely hot. Seriously. So hot they need to wear a warning label to protect others from their hotness. This is that warning label.
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You Are Here
Everyone loves a helpful map- particularly when there's a don't miss awesome landmark nearby. If that landmark is YOU, you'll do your fellow man a valuable service by letting them know just where they stand!
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BP
BP. We're bringing oil to American shores. By land and now, by sea! Why should Exxon Mobil have all the fun?
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Powered by ADHD
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Remember those unenlightened times when we called it 'childhood?' Before drug manufacturers had marketing departments? We do!
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Wickedosity
Don't bother to look it up. I'm the definition. -- Are you so dang amazing you simply defy conventional superlatives? Then you're WICKEDOSITY, baby! YOU're the definition- and this shirt is your proof… Get it!
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Conversation
Hilarious, right? It's the perfect conversation starter! But better yet, it's the perfect conversation ender, too! All it takes is a theatrical sigh to unlock it's devastating conversation-destroying power. Use it wisely, friend!
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Center of Attention
Are you constantly the Center of Attention? Or do you wish you were? Buy and wear this shirt. We promise you, you will be… (Really, it works! We tried it!)
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Sisyphus
One of the most enduring t-shirt memes of all time., 'That's How I Roll!', finally meets it match in Despair's 'Sisyphus' t-shirt. If YOU feel like you've cursed by fate to push boulders uphill forever, why not do it in ironic style?
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Manatee
The Ocean's Hamburger! - (Get it? It's a Sea Cow? And Cow-meat is where hamburgers… What? You're offended? Well, don't buy this shirt then. Actually, please do. Please? It's a big laugh generator. Or a fight starter. One of those.)
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Tourette's
Sooner or later, the habitually foul-mouthed find themselves trying to defend a poorly chosen word or phrase. If you've earned such a reputation for yourself, this shirt may be for you. It's easier than self-control for some. Apparently.
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Facebook
Stalking sure has come a long way from when I was a kid. With Facebook, I can now stalk ten ex-girlfriends in time it used to talk just to case one! And I don't have to leave my house! (But I sometimes still do… Oh yes... I do…)
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Exaggerators Anonymous
Are you- or something you love- a habitual exaggerator? Don't worry- you're not alone. There's millions of us out there- always stretching the truth for the sake of drama or comedy. Actually, it's trillions by now. For real. No really.
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The Crane Technique
The Crane Technique… No less a Karate Master than Pat Morita himself once said, 'If do right, no can defense.'
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Thanks, Pat. Thanks a lot.
Social Media Venn Diagram
Facebook. Foursquare. Myspace. Twitter. It seems like all forms of social media abet some of our worst habits and traits. Narcissism. Attention Deficit. Even stalking. That's why we made this handy diagram!
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Vintage
Everyone loves a great vintage tee! But NOT everyone loves buying used clothes. Nor should they! Who knows what kinda depravity went on in that cool vintage tee you love? That's why OUR pre-distressed Vintage tees are brand new! Why hasn't someone done this before?!
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Twitter
Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.
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Yeah, we said it. Now you can too with this awesome parody logo t-shirt.
The Flash
The world's fastest man has a terrible secret. He lives a double-life as a serial exhibitionist. Yeah, The Flash likes to flash! Of course, he's managed to keep it a secret all these years because, hey… Dude is crazy fast!
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Toyota
Once you drive one, you'll never stop. It's an undocumented feature now, actually. Actually, technically, it's a safety hazard but we're trying to focus on the bright side here people. Plus, our airbags are AMAZING.
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My Opinion
If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve. Really. And when you wear this shirt, you'll let others know they can, too. All they have to do is ask. (Actually, they don't even have to ask.)
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Vote Whig
Vote Whig. Seriously. They can't possibly be worse. What? You thought they were as dead as Fillmore? No, they're still around. Seriously. They need your vote. And they at least deserve it more than these two asses in charge!
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Government Motors
General Motors needed a bailout- bigtime. Fortunately, the Federal Government was ready and willing to spend taxpayer money to make it happen. All they asked was a little bit of rebranding. And here it is.
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Paternity
Bad news, Vader. Even the awesome power of the Dark Side has its limits. You can't just traipse around the galaxy making baby mamas out of the Queen of Naboo (or was it Na-booty- zing!) and not be responsible! Worse news… It's TWINS!
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Enter the Dragon
What? You think that's a duck? It's not a duck. It's a dragon. And it's sick fierce, too, kids. Worse than those wussy dragons in Skyrim that just sit there and let you pound on them forever. Yeah, I said it. Deal.
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Government
If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until your see our solutions. One of our most popular Demotivator designs makes the leap to t-shirt form- and did it beautifully! Buy it now, tax-free! (Unless you live in Texas.)
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I Expected Times
I expected times like this- but never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.
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I Didn't Do It
And besides, everybody else was doing it - and it shouldn't be forbidden anyway.
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Knock Knock
It's the ultimate knock-knock joke. Stand before people and watch them inevitably ask, 'Who's there?' Then turn and listen to the nervous squeals of laughter as your turn and provide the answer nobody wants, but we'll all get.
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Tradition
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid. Take the Running of the Bulls. I mean, jeez! It's been going on for a century. Why not just go jogging and not risk perforated spleens. Dumb!
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Limitations
Until your spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk. What? You thought you could fly? Look at yourself. You're a flightless waterfowl of a person if we've ever seen one. Stop flapping. You'll be happier. And look less idiotic, too.
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Points of View
Optimists and Pessimists aren't the only ones with perspectives on a glass!
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(Oh- and speaking of Perspectives on a Glass...?)
Your Blog
Everyone's got a blog these days- and nobody's reading them. If you're as sick of it as we are, then sport this shirt! Yes, it may hurt some feelings. And yes, you may end up written about on a blog later. You know how that ends.
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Made in USA by Robots
American Industry isn't what it was… Millions of jobs have gone overseas - where American products can be made better, and for less. But at Despair, the pride is back! Because this baby- like all our shirts, is American made!
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Demotivators®new!
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2012 Calendarsnew!
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DespairWearnew!
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24 x 30 Posters
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Pessimist's Glasses
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2012 Calendarsnew!
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Exaggerators Anonymous
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Believe... Demotivator®new!
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Committees Demotivator®new!
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Obstacles Demotivator®new!
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2012 Calendarsnew!
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5 x 7 DeskToppers
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24 x 30 Lithographs
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15 oz. Coffee Mugs
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Laptop Skins
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Occupy
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Optimists
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Exaggerators Anonymous
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Center of Attention
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I > U
