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  • A shirt like this brightens any social gathering. It lets people know they don't have to worry any more. You're here. You're going to make it better- just with your presence. Because you're YOU.
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    I'm Here Now

    Is your very presence a reason for calm? Relief? Joy? Then why not announce it?

    Perfect For:

    • Doctors with messiah complexes, or in other words:
    • Doctors
    • Your ever-expanding ego (note: shirt available in sizes up to 3XL!)
    • Disaffected college students

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  • "No refunds. Cash in advance." - If you're not exactly rocking the body of a Greek god, this shirt can be an absolute laugh-a-thon. The bigger you are, the funnier it is. (But seriously, if you're all cut and six-packy, don't bother. It'll just make you look like a jerk.)
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    Personal Trainer

    Want to make a quick buck as a fitness trainer without being fit? Ask for cash up front!

    Perfect For:

    • That one guy at your office who won’t shut up about kettle bells and PX90 or whatever
    • Rep. Paul Ryan
    • People who like The Cheesecake Factory, but really wish it had a smoking section
    • Doomed-to-fail dieters
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Caution. The person you're about to enjoy is extremely hot. Seriously. So hot they need to wear a warning label to protect others from their hotness. This is that warning.
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    Extremely Hot

    Are you hotter than a piping Venti Double Expresso? Maybe you ought to warn folks.

    Perfect For:

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  • Are you constantly the Center of Attention? Or do you wish you were? Buy and wear this shirt. We promise you, you will be… (Really, it works! We tried it!)
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    Center of Attention

    Wish you could be the Center of Attention for a change? This shirt can help. Really.

    Perfect For:

    • Adorable toddlers and adults with intellects comparable to same
    • Celebrities not yet tired of being stalked by paparazzi
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Are you- or something you love- a habitual exaggerator? Don't worry- you're not alone. There's millions of us out there- always stretching the truth for the sake of drama or comedy. Actually, it's trillions by now. For real. No really.
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    Exaggerators Anonymous

    Exaggeration is a terrible habit. Yet trillions of us can't seem to help ourselves.

    Perfect For:

    • Literally every single person in the universe
    • Résumé advisers
    • Mark Twain's obituarist
    • Ben Lyons
    • Disaffected Ph.D. candidates who are really disaffected GED prep class dropouts

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  • Don't bother to look it up. I'm the definition. -- Are you so dang amazing you simply defy conventional superlatives? Then you're WICKEDOSITY, baby! YOU're the definition- and this shirt is your proof… Get it!
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    Wickedosity

    Are you so dang amazing you simply defy conventional superlatives? Here's your shirt!

    Perfect For:

    • Arrogant lexicographers, especially:
    • The snobs at the Oxford English Dictionary who refuse to write an entry for this indisputably bad-ass new word
    • Students of the neologism
    • Disaffected college students

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  • If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve. Really. And when you wear this shirt, you'll let others know they can, too. All they have to do is ask. (Actually, they don't even have to ask.)
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    My Opinion

    Do you take self-improvement very seriously- especially when it comes to others?

    Perfect For:

    • Givers of unsolicited advice, which is to say:
    • Every single one of your relatives
    • Whiny Yelp reviewers who wanted to like this shirt, but thought it was just meh
    • Disaffected college students

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  • Superiority complex? Not at all. In fact, it couldn't be simpler! Just use this formula! I>U.
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    The Superioritee

    Superiority complex? Not at all. In fact, it couldn't be simpler! Just use this formula! I>U.

    Perfect For:

    • Truly Superior People
    • Truly Deluded People
    • Truly Superior Yet Deluded People
    • Yours truly, who is superior to all of the above. (and you, no offense.)

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