AT DESPAIR, WE OFFER THE CURE
FOR HOPE. AND FOR SURPRISINGLY
AFFORDABLE PRICES.

No industry has inflicted more suffering than the Motivational Industry. Motivational books, speakers and posters have made billions of dollars selling shortcuts to success and tools for unleashing our unlimited potential. At Despair, we know such products only raise hopes to dash them. That’s why our products go straight to the dashing! Enjoy!

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    The Pessimist
    2013 Daily Calendar

    $15
    $6

    Introducing The Pessimist™

    Featuring over 300 pages of sad statistics, rueful quotes, cynical definitions, bitter cocktail recipes, and oh -did we mention? An epic storyline about a certain unsung genius here at Despair, who contends with his unsupportive girlfriend, passive-aggressive psychiatrist, oppressive employer, and, yeah, Scotchoholism- as he attempts to complete his masterpiece, a 2013 tear-off calendar called, oddly enough, "The Pessimist".

    $15
    $6

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    2013 Demotivators
    Wall Calendar

    $16
    $6

    The Demotivators 2013 Wall Calendar

    The wait is over! The 2013 Demotivators Calendar is here, and ready to crush you and those you love (and/or don't) all year long! Featuring brand new designs like "Shoot for the Moon", "Keep Calm", and "Love", it's the perfect gift for the person who has everything and still isn't happy about it!

    (And don't forget to pick up its daily companion, The Pessimist!)

    $16
    $6

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    Motivation Poster

    $16

    Perfect For:

    • The ever-dwindling manufacturing sector
    • The headquarters of your local labor union
    • Tony Robbins
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy:

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    The Pessimist's Mug
    12 oz glass

    $10

    Perfect For:

    • Those who like their coffee the way they like their life: dark and bitter
    • Warding off annoying "morning people"
    • Irishing up your coffee
    • Disaffected college students
    $10

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    Get Off My Lawn T-Shirt

    $20

    Perfect For:

    • Philo and Clyde
    • Imaginary presidents in empty chairs
    • Punks who feel lucky
    • Texas Castle Doctrinists
    • The neighbors of loud party-hosting drunken disaffected college students

    Buy:

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    Consulting Mug

    $15
    $10

    Perfect For:

    • The nine people in America who understand what it is consultants actually do
    • Advice columnists
    • Disaffected college students

    Buy:

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    Dumped Bittersweets

    $10
    $6

    Dumped sayings include:

    I GOT SOBER • HE FIT U FAT • U LEFT SEATUP • USED U 4 FUN • JUST A FRIEND • BACK 2 KENNEL • DORKA PHOBIC • U HAVE A BLOG • RUSSIAN BRIDE • CELEB8 THX2U • DOG IS CUTER • TRADIN YOU IN • FORGET WE MET • KISS A FROG • SHE IS 22! • HE HAS A JOB

    $10
    $6